Anxiety: The Battle with Me, Myself, and I

My name is Lordes Ulloa, and this being my first post I wanted to introduce a topic that is quite overlooked as just “stress” or “concerns” about things that come up. The terms “anxiety” of that which is often equated to things like getting nervous before a final exam starts, or worried that you might not make it to work on time. However, “anxiety” can come in all different shapes and sizes, more than you think. Growing up, I had a father that constantly pushed the panic button if I made a simple mistake, insulted me and discouraged me so much that, it caused me to become obsessed with doing things correctly no matter what setting: school, work, friendships, relationships, you name it. Devoting so much time into mastering perfectionism, caused me so much pain. It wasn’t until senior year of high school, that things between my parents were heated and I didn’t care enough to be at home. I started having panic attacks at school, refusing to eat, to the point where my iron levels were low and I would almost pass out. Working myself to exhaustion was a game I hated playing. Eventually my dad left and things were more peaceful, but my mother and I financially struggled. I seeked counseling, but I was very angry still due to the abandonment of my father. It has been a year since then, but my anxiety levels are still apparent even after new doors were starting open up for me. I would have cause recurring thoughts or fears to replay in my head, posing on doubts on positive things that came my way. This is because, that the only thing I was used to happening to me was anything negative. I felt as if my old anxieties have died, but they took on a new form and regenerated and tried infecting my brain again like a cancer, with negative thoughts. However, the difference between now and then is that I’m trying to defeat this “new” anxiety. Too many good things are happening to me now that I am forever grateful for. This includes my boyfriend, my career opportunities, a new apartment for me and my mom. These things give me motivation to keep going forward, despite whatever my anxiety puts in my head. I have recently started counseling, and writing poetry which have aided my expressive outlet in so many ways. I would advise anyone reading this, that learn to destroy the demons that have held you back once before, and remember the people in your life that care about you and want you to succeed. A counselor, therapist, teacher, parent, friend, can give you a million and one things to try to help you cope with your struggles, but its up to you if you want to make that change and be your own warrior.

Thank you for reading, post comments below!!